Recently, I once again encountered people who, like so many others, move through life unconsciously—without pausing or engaging in any self-reflection. Not knowing why they are the way they are or how their subconscious influences their decisions in life.
These moments always feel strange to me, but in a performance- and competition-driven society that’s all about “bigger, faster, better, prettier,” I really shouldn’t be surprised. So I took a closer look at the patterns I observe—and at the end of this blog post, I’ll leave you with some questions to reflect on.
My Perspective on the Topic
My perspective is probably influenced by my studies in social pedagogy, where self-reflection and reflection oft he educational and social practice were integral parts of the curriculum. However, what’s made the biggest difference is my deep dive into personal development since 2018—exploring my own biography, patterns, conditioning, and internal parts, and understanding how they all connect.
I’ve always been interested in people and their stories because I believe we can all learn from each other—regardless of socioeconomic status, family background, or culture. I want to learn from others, and maybe that’s why I sometimes feel disappointed when I meet people I can’t talk to about these things.
Constant Movement – Literally
I often notice that many people hardly ever engage with themselves—at least not deeply. Instead, they seek distractions: daily workouts, endless meetups with friends, packed schedules. Being alone is avoided—out of fear of one’s own thoughts.
Sometimes I wonder: Is it just fear of facing oneself—or do many people simply not know who they truly are? Is there no real interest in themselves because they lack access to their inner world?
A Look at Social Media
Not long ago, I read the novel „Zero“ by Marc Elsberg (spoiler alert!) The plot revolves around a social scoring app that tells users how to behave to improve their social status. Fiction? Maybe. But isn’t it eerily close to TikTok and Co.? Millions of users constantly fixate on social media—judging, being judged, seeking validation from complete strangers.
Two thoughts came to mind:
- If an app determines how I have to look and live, why should I still reflect on myself? If I’m being told what I should want in life or who I am, that makes it pretty damn easy, doesn’t it?
- Thanks to social media, peer pressure is no longer limited to close circles—it’s global, visual, and algorithmically driven. Likes and followers have become the currency of social status. If you’re pretty enough, you get noticed. But when do you notice yourself? When do you turn your gaze inward, rather than focusing on how your friends see you? And are you acting based on who you truly are—or who you think you have to be so you don’t lose your friends?
People-Pleasing and the Loss of Authenticity
Another phenomenon I frequently encounter is people-pleasing—the urge to be liked and to make everyone happy. This usually stems from a fear of rejection or a deep-seated belief of not being enough (hello, low self-worth). One side effect of low self-worth, by the way, is gossiping and envy—but that’s a topic for another day.
The result? Everything is done “for others,” though (and this may sting for the people-pleasers out there) it’s really about themselves—boosting their own self-worth and keeping people close.
The tragedy? The more we look outward and try to be liked, the more we lose touch with our true selves. Authenticity is replaced with approval-seeking.
Over time, we end up living a life that goes against our own truth—and trade authenticity for an illusion.
If you find yourself constantly trying to please everyone, ask yourself: Why am I doing what I do? Who am I really doing this for? And what would happen if I stopped bending over backwards just to make others happy?
But Life Won’t Leave Us Alone
You can suppress, ignore, or push aside unresolved issues for a while.
The bad news? Unresolved issues don’t disappear. They keep resurfacing. You’ll continue to meet the very people and face the very situations that mirror your unhealed wounds. And if you ignore them, life will knock louder—eventually showing up in your body.
Unconsciousness Makes You Sick – Literally
If we don’t deal with our inner issues, conditioning, and beliefs, they start to control us. They affect how we feel and behave—and even influence our decisions, relationships, and physical health.
As Canadian physician and trauma expert Gabor Maté „The myth of normal“ puts it:
“Everything that wasn’t processed in the first half of life will show up as illness in the second half.”
Louise Hay also believed that every physical symptom has an emotional root. Mind, body, and soul are inseparably connected—yet in our Western world, we still tend to treat them separately.
Self-reflection can be a powerful first step toward preventing illness.
Start the Journey – Reflection Questions
Are you curious now or want to go a bit deeper on your path to self-discovery? Here are some reflection questions for you:
- Who in my life has influenced me the most—and how?
- How did I end up choosing my career?
- What are my core beliefs? (What are (limiting) beliefs? Read more about this topic here)
- Which behavioral and thought patterns did I inherit from my parents?
- Who or what inspires me?
- What did I love doing as a child?
- What topics interest or occupy me most?
- What would I like to learn?
- If I had no obligations and no expectations to meet, what would I do?
- What role do I step into when I wake up? (e.g., mom, employee…)
- What story do I tell myself every day about who I am? (I am my own storyteller.)
- If I had unlimited time and money, what would I do?
- If I only had one month left to live, how would I spend it?
From my book: Reisen mit Schildkröte (only available in German)
What does it mean to settle down? Who am I beneath all the (societal) layers? Am I allowed to live life the way I want to?
From John Strelecky’s „The Café on the Edge of the World„
Why are you here? Are you afraid of dying? Are you living a fulfilled life?